Sit Lion Sit

A little respect

2009-09-28T18:49:00.002-04:00

It seems I have been out of the loop.
Maybe I've been sitting under this rock for too long.
The world may have changed.

A couple of weeks ago, I was listening to a popular radio station when a song with somewhat disturbing lyrics, at least from a linguistic point of view, came on the air. You've probably heard it too. "Sexy Bitch". The artist starts by saying how he wishes to describe his lady friend in a respectful fashion. Now there is a plethora of words to do just that : pretty, beautiful, stunning, gorgeous. You can even add adjectives : My girlfriend is drop dead gorgeous! See, respectful, and more importantly, coherent.

So there you have it, maybe some people are now referring to girls as "bitches" and maybe those girls are falling over saying "Oooh mister, you're so respectful", but I'm having none of it. If the world is changing, I'll gladly stay in the past.

Go have a listen to "Hot panda", my newest discovery. No bitches in their songs.

Okay, I'm irked

2008-12-01T09:36:00.002-05:00

Since I haven't written anything here for a good while now, it's very probable that only one person will read this but I'm going to send it out there anyways because, you know it, I'm irked.

What irks me you are no doubt asking yourself?

The Conservative Party of Canada is what.

It's hard for me to be unbiased in these tumultuous times, so I won't be. I'm not very happy about the results of the last election. I'm not happy that the liberals didn't fare better than they did. I'm not happy that I had to hope the Bloc fared well enough to bloc (pun intended) the conservative vote and I'm not happy that the Conservatives fared okay enough to get a renewed mandate. I'm also irked that Stephen Harper, whom I consider to be some sort of political genius is batting for the other team (no no, not that other team, the other political team).

Lets get things clear; Canadians did NOT want another Conservative government, they just didn't have a choice. 59.1 percent of eligible voters cast a ballot and out of that, 38 percent voted for the Conservatives. So basically, the current government owes it's enhanced minority to 22 percent of eligible voters.

In my humble opinion, most Canadians didn't want to vote for any of the parties. Voter apathy is what the Conservatives owe their enhanced minority to. They can claim as long as they want that Canadians gave them a stronger mandate, it's not going to make it more of a reality.

I feel better now.

Lion taming tip # 72

Trying to teach your lion about elections is pointless; he's the king of the jungle, he couldn't care less about how we silly humans decide who's going to be in charge.

Leaving two wheels behind

2008-02-11T19:25:00.001-05:00

The Ottawan had been young. Heck, he had been really young some years ago. Some would even go as far as saying that he was once a baby and that he did babyish things. Others would call such comments rubbish. The Ottawan, with his thinning hairline and his tall body, could never have been younger than fourteen or fifteen, and you could take that to the bank.

But he had been young. And when he was young, much younger than he was now, he had never wanted an automobile. He had wanted a fighter jet. Of course, the fact that his dear mother told him that she could not not afford to buy him little gifts at the supermaket made him realize quickly enough that it would be a long time until he could have his fighter jet. Yes, though he was young, he was savvy about these financial matters. So he shifted his attention to something a little more attainable. Motorcycles! Not just any kind of motorcycles. Sportbikes! He loved them.

He wanted one. He needed one. His mother wouldn't hear it. Too costly. She was right he would later realize. A meal on the table is much more useful and much less deadly, at least in her very capable hands, than a very fast bike.

His longing eventually got pushed back to a small corner of his mind, staying put for sometimes years at a time. But every now and then it surfaces, as strong as ever. He gets the urge to look at bikes. He doesn't even look at the newer models anymore. He knows what he wants, and he knows what he'll buy before he works up the skills to buy that one. In a couple months time, his car lease will come to an end and he'll be giving back his primary mode of transportation, and his wallet will all of a sudden become much fatter. Fatter than it has ever been. Some of that fat, he's thinking, could very well serve to buy him one of those machines.

He has been talking about purchasing one for a good ten years now, he's wanted for fifteen, ever since he first laid eyes on one. And he's never been closer to having the ability to have one.

It's important to have dreams, but it's also so much fun to fulfill them.

Good night dear readers.

Get the podcast for this week's Vinyl Cafe! Just get it! There's an old man bungee jumping. You can't beat that for radio entertainment.

Comeback

2008-02-07T19:48:00.000-05:00

Good evening to you.

Yes you.

No, stop looking behind you, it's you I'm writing to.

I hope this was a grand day for you. And if it wasn't grand, I hope it was at least good. And if it wasn't good, I hope it wasn't terrible. And if it was terrible, well I hope tomorrow will go better. And if tomorrow doesn't go better, then consider talking to someone about it. One really shouldn't have more than two terrible days in a row.

Anyways, this more or less marks my comeback from a month long break. I'll try to keep the posts coming. If anyone's out there, I hope you'll enjoy them.

Lion taming tip # 1026

If your lion starts chewing on your slippers, don't let him play with the neighbor's dog anymore.

Canadia

2008-01-04T11:38:00.001-05:00

In the year 2056 the US has declared war on the Ipampilashians and has sent the American armada to destroy their planet. Canada is the only country siding with the Americans. Canada has sent it's only ship, The Canadia, in support of the American mission but the Canadia is not a warship. It's a maintenance ship (they change light bulbs and plunge toilets). Max Anderson is the first American ever to be stationed on the Canadia. He was put there by the American admiral (his mother) to toughen him up but keep him out of any real danger. The only thing that Max and the crew of the Canadia agree on is that no one wants him there.

This is the premise of Canadia 2056, a show which apparently took up Afghanada's timeslot on CBC radio one.

I've been listening to it for five minutes now and its pretty funny.

Dial in and check it out.

Fridays at 11:30 (NT) and Wednesdays at 11:00 (NT).

Books at large

2008-01-03T14:23:00.001-05:00

Were you at the Bridgehead Coffee House located at the corner of Albert and Bank about two weeks ago? Did you have a coffee? Did you enjoy a piece of cake? Did you pick up one of the books left there by bookcrossers. Did you read it?
Had you ever heard of bookcrossing (www.bookcrossing.com)?
I must admit that giving away a book wouldn't be a very easy thing for me to do. I am very selective about the books I purchase and tend to reread the few ones I own every now and then. But I also think that the world would be a much better place if everybody took up one of the fictional writings of Douglas Adams. Okay, maybe I'm pushing it a little, but they are still quite amazing. So imagine if you found a book on a park bench and it turned out to be the greatest thing you'd ever read. I think that would be neat. Maybe I'll try to find used copies of the books I'd like others to read and release them just for kicks. Just to see how far it could travel. Maybe I could leave it in an airport.
So start looking people, there are books out there and the next book you read could be the one you find in an unlikely place.

Christmas tour (fixed)

2007-12-24T14:24:00.000-05:00

On Saturday night, accompanied by my girlfriend, the lovely Quartz, I made my way to the NAC to see the Vinyl Cafe live.

Stuart McLean was awesome. The stories were awesome. The little live radio drama was awesome. The whole night was awesome.

Danny Michel was amazing.

We had great fun.

If you have the chance to see a Vinyl Cafe show, please go. The youngest person there was four and the oldest was ninety-four, so however old you are, you won't feel out of place.

Boarding

2007-12-24T13:53:00.000-05:00

Oh, and another thing. The lady who called "all aboard" about six times before the departure of the train to Toronto at the Montréal station was far too unenthousiastic to my taste. "All aboard" should be called with gusto. It should be "ALL ABOARD!". Had I been due on that train, I would have seriously reconsidered my trip. Well, not really, but still.

Buses, trains and automobiles

2007-12-24T11:25:00.001-05:00

I find myself apologizing once again to you, dear surfers for my infrequent posts. These are busy times and I don't find myself in front of a screen very often.

But on this glorious afternoon, time I have.

I find myself in New-Brunswick once again, for the fourth time this year. Fifth if you take into account that I left from my last Christmas trip after New Year's. This time, I did not come by car because driving for 11 hou rs straight in weather that always gets stormy when I need to such a trip just isn't as fun as it used to be.

This year, I took the bus to the train station and I took the train, or the train station as a cute little four year old kept calling it, to New-Brunswick. Assuming that you're able to sleep in a seat that is definitely not designed for that purpose, the train is a great alternative to taking the plane. You roll at night so you don't lose any daytime, and it's much cheaper.

Upon arriving here, my mom picked me up and I started the car leg of my journey. It lasted five minutes and was uneventful.

So there you have it friends. Buses, trains and automobiles. A trip that started at 1:50 yesterday afternoon and ended at 9:30 this morning.

Stay tuned for a report on the Ottawa stop of the Vinyl Cafe Christmas's tour. If you didn't see it, start regretting it now, it'll save you some time.

Happy holidays everyone.

Regulars

2007-12-17T10:45:00.001-05:00

I realize that I have been a poor host; that you come to this page hoping to laugh a little, learn a little, or just to kill time, and that I have provided you with little means to do that lately. But do not despair. I can assure you that my head is full of crazy thoughts just waiting for a spot on this page. I just have to sort them all out and find a good way to introduce them.

I like this. Writing for everyone and no one. Think carefully about what I'm going to write next. You may know me. To this day only a couple of people know that I'm the author of this page, and I intend to keep it that way. So I could very well be one of your friends, one of your colleagues, one of your circus-mates. Isn't it exciting?

Pencils and erasers

2007-12-07T17:44:00.000-05:00

We've all used them,

Pencils.

Some of us use them everyday, some of us use them on occasion, some of us haven't held one in our hands since finishing (or dropping out) of high school. After all, pens are much cooler than pencils.

Today I realized something very important, maybe. The makers of those generic yellow pencils with the little pink erasers are jokers. Really they are. They make fine pencils, pencils you could write all day with provided you have a pencil sharpener handy. But ever try to use the other end of it; the little pink nub that's supposed to make your mistakes dissapear? Of course you have; we all have. And surely most of us have regretted it.

Lets face it people, the pink erasers that come attached to the end of wooden pencils are practically useless. I don't say completely only because they do allow you to smudge your writings beyond recognition, which could be considered as erasing. But nobody wants smudges.

My question is why?

Why do pink erasers never work properly?
Why do manufacturers put them on the end of their pencils anyways?
I just thought of this, but why, if the pink erasers are made to erase use with a particular type of pencil or a particular type of paper, is that not clearly indicated on their packaging?

Because most of us will never stop trying out the little pink erasers when a trusty white one isn't available, which happens more often then you'd think, pencil manufacturers are jokers. They might also be the devil, but that's debatable.

Take care.

R.

Lions and Christmas trees

2007-12-03T13:32:00.001-05:00

The first of December might not be an official date of any sort, but for many people around the world, it marks the official start of the Holidays. I say official because in Consumerland, which we all live in, the holiday season seems to begin when Halloween ends. On December first, people can finally let loose and do what they've been wanting to do for about two weeks: put up the Christmas tree.

I myself have never had a Christmas tree. It always seems unnecessary as I live alone, don't spend a lot of time at home and usually spend Christmas week at my folks' place. I do love Christmas though and always relish the sight of a decorated house.

This year, things went a little differently and I got to open the holiday season with my girlfriend by putting up her Christmas tree. It had been about six years since I'd last participated in such a ritual and I loved every moment of it.

Saturday night, I watched the tree glow and shine of its many lights and ornaments. I watched it as it glowed. I watched it as it shone. I watched it as it jingled a little. I watched it as it jingled a little more. I stopped watching it and went to remove from under the tree the cat which was causing the jingling.

Christmas time for pet owners is like war. Pets try to play with the giant pet toy which their owners have set up for them and owners look for ways to keep their pets out of their biggest Christmas decoration other than hiring a border guard.

If you have a lion, good luck...

Life's lessons

2007-11-30T09:35:00.001-05:00

When nothing bad has happened to you in a while, you start to forget that bad things can happen if you're not careful
I believe that when you reach that point, Life sends you little warnings to remind you that the fan isn't too far away and that nasty stuff can hit it in the time it takes you to say "what the?".

Most of the time I can appreciate Life's teachings.

But when life decides to remind me that I shouldn't drive so fast in icy conditions, I really wish it wouldn't do it by letting me slam into a sidewall and, in the process, putting the health of my girlfriend at risk.

We were lucky last night and I've surely learned my lesson, but Life could've waited for me to be alone in the car.

Because every medium is worth trying, I will plead to Life here.

Hurting me is fair; I'm the one who's being careless. Hurt me as much as you like until I've learned what I need to. But please leave my loved ones alone. They have nothing to do with my irresponsible behaviour.

I truly hope that this accident has saved me from a more tragic one.

Be careful kids, you're not invincible and Life's watching.

Parades and candy

2007-11-26T08:32:00.001-05:00

When the lady handed him a handful of Christmas canes, telling him to "pass them along", she most likely didn't realize how weird it would look for a man not participating in the parade to be offering candy to kids.

Advertising

2007-11-21T18:47:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I'm not a big fan of advertising, but I accept it as a part of regular life. Unless you walk around with eyes and ears shut, you just can't avoid it. But trying to use me as a means of advertising is unacceptable.

Those of you who visit this page periodically might have read the comment left by señor CresceNet five days ago. You might also have wondered why this person was leaving a comment in Portugese to an English post. And those of you that can read Portugese might also have wondered why someone would respond to that particular post by suggesting that I check out an ISP.

What you might not know is that he left a very similar comment about a month ago, when I was having Internet woes. At that time, although he was clearly advertising, I thought he wanted to help and my mind liked the fact that a total stranger who didn't care if I spoke Portugese or not was willing to lend me a hand.

Now I'm in a better place, and in this place I cannot allow myself to become a billboard.

I feel though that I can' t just delete comments without giving prior warning that I am moderating them.

So here is the warning: You, people of the Web, will be allowed to comment on anything written on this blog. However, and this is important, no advertising will be allowed. (suggestions concerning bands, surfing equipment or lion taming products will not be considered advertisments).

Fun facts about lions # 2

Lions most often roar at night; the sound, which can be heard from a distance of 8 km, is used to advertise the animal's presence.

Lyrics that make you go wow (edited)

2007-11-19T10:00:00.001-05:00

He's still accomplishing all of his goals and dreams
He's met a girl who gives him joy like he's never seen
Life's fillin' in with the best of friends, he's happy.

I know it doesn't look like much, but when you hear the whole thing and the singer gets to that part, you just go "Wow". Well, I do anyways.

Quite honestly, sometimes artists just amaze me, not only with their lyrics, but by the way they arrange them.

Cats and toilets

2007-11-13T17:37:00.001-05:00

Does your cat drink from the toilet?
Does your cat drink from the toilet and not move when you come into the bathroom?

Do you ever go to the bathroom at night?
Do you ever go to the bathroom at night, feeling groggy and not wearing your glasses, which renders you essentially blind?
Do you ever go to the bathroom at night, feeling groggy and not wearing your glasses, and not bother turning on the lights because you want to stay groggy?

Trust this blogger, if you have a cat that drinks from the toilet and doesn't move when you come into a lit bathroom during the day, don't count on it to move when you come into a dark bathroom at night. Move the cat. Four out of five times, you might be moving air, but know that those times your hands make contact with your furry friend might save you from making contact with it with another part of your body.

Lion taming tip # 23

If your lion takes to drinking from the toilet at night, teach him to lock the door; your guests would not appreciate getting knocked out of their grogginess by coming face to face with a lion.

Bunnies

2007-11-09T10:07:00.001-05:00

He and Bunny drove home, Dave behind the wheel, and Bunny strapped in the passenger seat. Halfway home they switched.

When I hear this, I laugh out loud, even when I'm walking on a crowded street. : )

Hardships

2007-11-05T15:41:00.001-05:00

Ever get the impression that Life, yes Life with a capital L, is laughing at you in your face?
I say laugh right back at it.

The level of Zen I'm demonstrating these days by not getting angry in highly frustrating situations is so amazing that I could start levitating soon and not be surprised at all by it.

I'm discovering more flaws with my apartment almost every week, but am still determined to stay at least a year because I hate moving and I also hate the expenses that come with this highly overrated activity.

For a couple of years now, the only things that could get me really depressed was moving into a new apartment and large purchases that left me unsatisfied. Today, I'm proud to say that, with the help of my lovely girlfriend, I'm getting used to the idea that an apartment is only a temporary living area after all, and that I really shouldn't worry too much about the small things I don't like about it.

With just one thing left to throw me into depression, I think I can laugh with life, I know in a couple of years I'll be laughing at all the irritating things I'm living right now anyways…

Giving thanks

2007-10-31T17:10:00.000-04:00

Online shopping is great. Its allowed me to get my hands on various products unavailable in my part of the woods and on some others that were selling much cheaper elsewhere.

One drawback though is the lack of human interaction. You'll get no smiles from your computer when you purchase electric legwarmers over the Web.

I'm pretty used to this by now and I never pay much attention to the thank you page that usually appears after I've completed an order.

But today, when I opened an email from the online music store I just bought a CD from, I was amazed.

Here is what was written:

Your CD has been gently taken from our CD Baby shelves withsterilized contamination-free gloves and placed onto a satin pillow.
A team of 50 employees inspected your CD and polished it to make sureit was in the best possible condition before mailing.
Our packing specialist from Japan lit a candle and a hush fell overthe crowd as he put your CD into the finest gold-lined box that moneycan buy.
We all had a wonderful celebration afterwards and the whole partymarched down the street to the post office where the entire town of Portland waved "Bon Voyage!" to your package, on its way to you, in our private CD Baby jet on this day, Wednesday, October 31st.
I hope you had a wonderful time shopping at CD Baby.
We sure did. Your picture is on our wall as "Customer of the Year."
We're allexhausted but can't wait for you to come back to CDBABY.COM!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Now doesn't that make you feel all warm inside?

Of course there might be a touch of exageration in the steps stated above, but just the fact that someone took the time to write such a thoughful and funny email amazes me.

Go to cdbaby.com and buy something, anything. I'm pretty sure you won't be rewarded by such gratefulness anywhere else.

CBC and new music

2007-10-30T17:54:00.000-04:00

I haven't gotten any comments on this yet, but I still feel the need to make it clear right away. I am in no way associated with the CBC; I just have a major crush on it.

It just amazes me that I only discovered this radio station two years ago. I know I'm still pretty young, but still, everyone should be aware that the national broadcaster also broadcasts on the airwaves.

Don't have time to listen to the radio? Own a MP3 player? You can still take CBC with you, most shows being available as podcasts.

Just to prove to you that its worth listening to, I'll show you this. I discovered this while listening to the Radio 3 podcast with Grant Lawrence today. I also discovered this. And, although some of you might already know of this, I wasn't aware it existed. So there you go, three great finds in one podcast. You should now be convinced of the importance of listening to anything produced by the CBC. After all, if you're Canadian, you are paying for it.

I'll tell two other secrets that aren't so secret before I let you go:

1. Lions love CBC. No one knows why, but I think its because lions are just that cool.
2. On this station, you'll never hear advertising. Never!

Vinyl cafe

2007-10-28T12:42:00.000-04:00

Do you have favorite shows?
I have favorite shows.
Most people I suppose have favorite shows.
But unlike most people, mine are radio shows.

Do yourselves a favour and tune in to the next installment of Afghanada. This series often keeps me up past my bedtime.

Also be sure to give a listen to Stuart Mclean's Vinyl cafe. You'll hear a mix of great stories and cool tunes by bands you may never have heard of.

I should tell you that I started this post on Sunday, but that I had to leave before finishing it. I had begun writing full of inspiration and filled with the intention of giving a detailed and amusing account of both shows mentionned above and was hoping to hold on to that inspiration until I found the time to get back on Blogger. Tonight, my hopes were dashed. So, unfortunately for you, these lines are the best I can manage at the moment. Do not despair however, as I will surely find the spark to write some inspired rant at some point during the week.

Really though, I'm not kidding; both shows are some of the best out there and everyone who can tune in to CBC's Radio One should check them out.

Apple pie (edited)

2007-10-25T19:56:00.000-04:00

This year I baked some apple pies for the first time. That might not be a particularly shocking statement to anyone; I'm not big on making elaborate dishes, and had really never baked anything before this year. But now I'm living pretty far away from my pie maker/mother (or should that be the other way around) so I had to take matters into my own hands. Pie after all is my favorite dessert and you just can't go without your favorite dessert for too long before you loose some marbles. Of course they sell pie at the store, but that crap just doesn't cut it. Marbles won't be saved by storebought pie.

I'm going to switch to first person plural here. Don't freak out, I just had company for the rest of the story.

There was excitement and flour in the air. We were about to make our first apple pie. Neither of us had ever attempted this before, but I felt pretty confident. After all, she was in my eyes a dessert-making expert and I had eaten quite a few pies in my day. So we ventured on. Slicing the apples was easy. Mixing the dough was easy. Flattening the dough was a little tricky. And, finally, assembling the pies was the most fun you can have with sliced apples.

We managed to make four pies and one crumble. Pretty good for me, a first timer. She seemed happy with the results as well.

We went out for a walk afterwards. Leaving is a very important part of baking apple pies. You have to go outside for about half an hour just to enjoy the smells of fall and the special mood that this season brings along. When you get back, you'll get rewarded by the sweet smell of pie baking victory which will have filled every corner of your dwelling space.

The day was ended as every apple pie/crumble making day should end; with a good diner topped off by some oh so good pie and some delicious crumble.

I ate a slice of those pies tonight and it brought me back to that afternoon. I know it hasn't been that long since they were baked, but I'm still glad. I'm glad to know that I'll most likely be reminded of that day every time I eat homemade pie for the rest of my life.

Thank you for the wonderful day. Thank you for the wonderful memories.

Now, on to the lions

Fun facts about lions # 1

A male lion is referred to as a lion or tom. (wonder who's the guy who said "you know what, I know it's a lion, but lets just call it Tom")

Evolution

2007-10-22T13:46:00.001-04:00

He felt quite happy about his life now.

He still remembered the day his best friend told him their friendship would be over if he didn't try to get along with one of his pals. That was one of those defining moments you remember all your life. He was a kid back then. He thought about how things had changed since then. About all the friends he'd made over the years. About all the ones he'd lost. About how it would be much cooler if he was thinking about this in front of a fireplace while smoking a pipe. Ah well, you can't have it all he thought.

He'd evolved a lot over the years,
High school had made him a better kid.
University had made him a better teen.
The workplace had made him a man.
Moving away from everything he had ever known had made him a better version of that man.

He felt he was now finally ready. Ready for what he didn't know, but ready.
He was happy and he was intent on staying happy.

Tamers

2007-10-21T01:10:00.000-04:00

Good morning, afternoon or evening to you, fellow internauts,

If you're reading this, it probably means you stumbled onto my blog while searching for new tricks to teach your lion. After all, the whole jumping through hoops of fire thing does get old after a while. Innovation is the key to keeping the audience happy.

If indeed you are a lion tamer, you'll unfortunately have to get ideas from someone else; I only publish taming tips.

But mostly I write some silly things and some less silly things as a way to hone my imagination, so that I have at least a couple of lines to put in the book I'll publish when I become a surfer. And there you go; I've lost all but one of you. It's okay though. You see, I have this concept about people who are known as surfers and I intend to put it to the test once I become one of those people.

Are you amused by what you read here today? Good. Hold on to that feeling. People who smile are just more fun to look at.

That's all for now folks.

Take care,

R.

Lion taming tip # 19

Buy a really big clawing board, your furniture will thank you.

Vibes

2007-10-17T20:43:00.000-04:00

I've got them.
Do you have them?
Do you even know what them is?
I'll tell you what them is.
Soon.
Very soon.
Now...

Vibes.
Not just any vibes.
Phantom vibes.

Training

2007-10-17T16:58:00.000-04:00

He just sat there, waiting for the training to start, praying to the universe (the universe was about the only thing he prayed to these days) that the small group in his classroom didn't include people who asked a lot of questions. He didn't particularly frown on people who ask questions, the thirst for knowledge being an admirable quality, but he did harbor strong feelings of disdain for those who ask useless questions which only serve to slow down the process.

The facilitator began his class, and the Universe took a break...

If you're in school or in university, asking questions is alright, most of the time, but if you're taking some other type of class, let it go. Everything you need to know will be taught. If you absolutely need to know something about circumstances that apply only to yourself, wait until class is over and talk to the facilitator one on one. The other people just don't care...

There you have it, now you know one of my pet peeves. I will now proceed to be happy for the rest of the evening.

Lion taming tip # 17

When you walk your lion, do it at night and wear a clown costume. Your neighbors will feel much safer knowing that they have hallucinations than knowing someone on their block has a lion.

It lives!

2007-10-14T11:53:00.000-04:00

It had been more than a month. More than a month since he left La belle province. More than a month since he stopped taking the bus to work. More than a month since he entered his now transformed hellhole. More than a month since he abandonned his blazingly fast Internet connection...

This morning, when the problem was finally fixed and his modem stopped showing him the red light of death, he felt that this had not been such a bad experience. Perhaps being offline for a month had allowed him to attain a certain level of zen, or perhaps he had really gone mad.

He was nevertheless very happy because he knew that he could now finish setting up his office, a task that he had put off since arriving because he just couldn't stand to look at his computer in its isolated state.

So there you have it dwellers of the virtual universe, I'm back. My posts should therefore regain some sort of regularity and lion taming tips should also be back soon.

This whole ordeal has left me with only one question: What could have pushed one of the previous tenants to physically sever his or her own phone line? I'll get back to you with the answer if I ever find out.

Until next time, take care of yourselves.

R.

Live

2007-10-11T13:14:00.001-04:00

You just haven't experienced music until you've heard it played live. The energy from the artists and the vibrations from the speakers add a dimension to the sound that just can't be reproduced on a CD. If you've never seen a band in concert, try to do it as soon as possible.

Offline still

2007-10-10T08:55:00.001-04:00

Maybe warning the Bell people about the lion wasn't the best idea, he thought while sitting in front of his useless computer.

Comments

2007-10-09T10:58:00.001-04:00

First of all, gracias senor Crescenet para su commentario, and for trying to help me out in these depressing times, depressing as far as my computer is concerned anyways.

Live in Brazil? Looking for an Internet provider? Check out the comment to post #16. Be warned that I don't know anything about the company mentionned so don't take this as a recommendation. Before signing up, do what you should do when you get into any contract, search the Web for reviews and comments from existing or past customers.

Hasta luego.

Madness

2007-09-27T09:41:00.001-04:00

I have been without an Internet connection at home for three weeks now.

I might be going mad.

Of course, I might already be mad and not be aware of it. After all, do crazy people know they're crazy?

I don't feel crazy, but then again, I keep ranting about lions and surfing and writing a book without any content which I am sure will sell well.

Mmm… I'll reflect on this and get back to you.

Are you crazy and aware of it? Do you find yourself laughing more than sane people?

Lion taming tip # 16

If you think you're going crazy, find someone else to take care of your lion, but before you do, make sure the lion isn't imaginary.

Strange friends and normal strangers

2007-09-25T10:58:00.001-04:00

I receive the comment almost everyday now: "You're a strange one, you know?". My reply is most always the same "Yeah, I know". You just can't go around buying topless sandals and listening almost exclusively to CBC radio without knowing that there's something quirky about you. But is that such a bad thing? I myself never look for normalcy in people. My friends all have certain qualities that make them unique and even a little strange and that's just how I like them. Ask yourself this: if I wasn't me and you weren't you, would we have as much fun?

Normalcy is boring and strangeness is interesting. Living without being noticed is not living at all.

Internetlessness

2007-09-24T14:23:00.001-04:00

The first green light comes to life, followed by the second one. Only one left. Will the suffering end? Will the box which has not been much more than a paperweight for the past three weeks be brought back to the state it once was? The third light lights up as most lights do in this situation, but instead of presenting a soothing green colour to the spectator, it shows him a clear red, indicating to him that the box will remain lifeless for yet another evening.

The show ends in sadness and disapointment. The lone spectator leaves the room dejected, hoping for the next day, hoping that he will see green instead of red

Tonight, the lights will be brought to life once more and its spectator will pray to the Internet gods that he will finally be able to bask in the green light of connectivity.

Shaving

2007-09-21T12:42:00.000-04:00

Shaving is a part of everyday life for most men. Some try to get it over with as quickly as possible, and some, like the author of this blog, have chosen to get back to the methods of old and have discarded their multi-blade instrument and their can of foam in favor of a good old safety razor, a soap and a shaving brush. Of course, shaving using the methods of old takes much more time, but it is such an enjoyable time that those who do it really don't mind setting aside an additional ten or twenty minutes to get rid of their facial hair.

But what if you want that truly luxurious shave? The one only a trained barber can offer you. Well, you better not find yourself wanting that sort of a shave when you're visiting a little town in northeastern New-Brunswick. In this town, which shall remain nameless, not one, but two barbers told yours truly that in their barbershop, you cannot get your beard shaved. So there you have it, I am astonished and still bearded.

I'll take care of the beard later on today with the methods of old, hoping that I will be able to have a taste of luxury once I've made my way back to the city.

Oh yeah, and tonight, I strongly encourage you to have a drink to H. and R., who will take the vows of marriage today at 7:30 pm, Atlantic time.

Until next time, take care of yourselves my dear friends of the Web.

R.

Travels

2007-09-20T22:17:00.000-04:00

The Ottawans found themselves back in New-Brunswick for the third time of the summer, and for their second wedding. The 10 hour drive went well, again filled with interesting discussions and a lot of laughter.
Every time they make this trip, the two pals find themselves more and more convinced that avoiding long stays is a good idea. They also arrive with a stronger belief that someone should really shorten the distance between Ontario and their destination. But alas, they are not religious people and it's doubtful that anyone other than God could grant them this wish.

So once more, this writer prepares himself for another very busy weekend.

Check back tomorrow to see for which couple you should have a drink in the evening.

Lion taming tip # 14

If you're going away and are looking for someone to take care of your lion, be honest. Poeple will be put off when they find out that you grossly understated the size of your cat.

Lunch

2007-09-14T15:55:00.001-04:00

Live in Ottawa? Work in Centretown? Like to eat at lunchtime? Try the Café Expresso Deli, located at the corner of Slater and Metcalfe. The prices can't be beat, the food's delicious and the staff is so friendly you'll seriously consider applying for a job.

Leave your lion at the door, you'll most likely get better service this way.

Cheers!

Absence

2007-09-13T09:45:00.001-04:00

Pardon my lack of posts lately, but my lion and I are currently without an Internet connection. As soon as we rejoin the global network, I will start writing again with renewed vigor.

Until next time,

Test (updated)

2007-09-06T10:23:00.001-04:00

Testing, testing, one two.

This is a test of the mail-to-blogger function.

And just for the heck of it, you should check out Sia's music. I like it, my lion likes it, and, hopefully, you'll like it too.

Cheers!

New fridge

2007-09-05T22:40:00.000-04:00

Upon opening the door, he saw a refrigerator. This elated him as, for the past four days, he hadn't seen a refrigerator in his apartment. The appliance was gleaming at him and he was gleaming back, realizing that this was the only thing he wouldn't have to clean before putting stuff in. He opened the door half expecting the inside of the fridge to be dirty despite its apparent newness. The inside was even gleamier than the inside. Satisfied, he closed the door and left, smiling.

Lion taming tips will be back once I have more time to think about them. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Moving

2007-09-04T23:12:00.000-04:00

On Thurdsy, the Ottawan remembered why he hates moving.

On Tuesday, the promise of new countertops, a new fridge and a re-enameled bathtub made the feeling go away.

Lion taming tip # 13

Never let your lion see you cry, he will lose all respect for you.

Inspiration

2007-08-26T16:56:00.000-04:00

He sits in front of his computer, listening to some K'naan, trying to get over the moment of stress caused by a call to his new super. As he listens to the first few notes of a particularly cheerful song, he reminds himself of an earlier conversation that washed away all his anxiety.

He feels a little more relaxed now, but still lacks even an ounce of inspiration. He knows he's probably weird enough to write some great stuff, but the ideas just don't seem to want to come to him. How do those people do it he wonders, churning out book after book, like they have a magic hat which produces storylines instead of rabits. Now that would be a neat trick he thinks.

He finally decides to give up for the night, feeling somewhat satisfied about his effort and, for some reason, wondering if lions would like catnip.

Lion taming tip # 12

To entertain your lion, buy a piece of wrope and tie it to a stick. He is a big cat after all.

The future

2007-08-23T23:49:00.000-04:00

How do you envision the future?

The future I choose to picture for my great grand children and, of course, the lions, will feature a mix of innovative technology and old tools. When the petroleum craze finally becomes a thing of the past, people will get back to the basics and will live in a more earth friendly manner. I truly believe that the environment can provide us with all the energy we need and that we don't have to burn anything to extract it.

Lion taming tip # 11

When you want to teach your lion to jump up on something, don't use the kitchen table as a training tool, that will only lead to disaster.

Are we real?

2007-08-21T22:11:00.000-04:00

After seeing, The Matrix, I wondered for about three seconds if there was a chance that I, along with the rest of the earth's population, was a virtual being living in a virtual world. When the fourth second came, I decided that I was happy either way and that the subject didn't warrant further exploration.

Today, I was forced to reexamine the question when I heard on Radio one's wonderful show, Q, that the New York Times published a story about a philosopher who says that "it is almost a mathematical certainty that we are living in someone else’s computer simulation" (see full article here). This time around, I wondered what a world that would have us as a simulation would be like, but again, after a couple of seconds, I stopped caring. To me, this is reality. And right now, it's the only one I want to live in.

No tips tonight, check back tomorrow.

Return

2007-08-20T17:44:00.000-04:00

What does a ten hour drive teach you?

That you should make them as rarely as possible and that you should really consider buying a plane ticket the next time around.

This post signals the return of the Ottawans to the National Capital Region, NCR for short.

They arrived safely, one of them tired, despite having slept during most of the trip, and the other one a little more tired, having been the sole wheelman.

Said wheelman will now be having his diner, and who knows, later on, he might even treat himself to dessert.

Lion taming tip # 10

Lions can be unbearable during a ten hour drive. Ask a friend to look after your lion when you have to be out of town.

Festivities

2007-08-19T00:38:00.000-04:00

And the two Ottawans danced the night away with their friends. They danced to every song. And when the songs were replayed, they danced with a renewed vigor, not giving in to the ache in their legs, refusing to stop until the lights came on and the music stopped playing.

Monday, the Ottawans will leave with good memories in their hearts and a need to get back to their new life and their new loved ones, which, at the moment, seem so far away.

These types of trips are enjoyable. They allow people to relive the great parts of their childhoods in one or two days. But they should not be prolonged, for then there would be time to notice all the things that went missing or that were never there. There is, after all, a very good reason why the expression isn't "long and sweet".

Lion taming tip # 9

Get a good whip. Do not hit the lion with the whip, he won't like it.
(that one might be a bit weak, but I'm a bit tired so...)

Weddings

2007-08-18T18:28:00.000-04:00

The two Ottawans made their way to the entrance of the building, hoping they were at the right place. When they walked in, one of them at least was relieved to see the right groom, knowing then that, had they been at the wrong place, it would be a mistake quickly overshadowed. After meeting up with some friends and making small talk, the two ventured further inside to find seats.

The church was half full when the bride made her way down the aisle. Everybody was smiling, some friends were shedding tears of joy and a funny uncle was giving two thumbs up. T'was a good day go get married.

After the vows were exchanged, the newlyweds walked back towards the front doors and, having reached them, made what seemed like a dash for the chariot that was awaiting them. The Ottawans lingered outside, getting reacquainted with an old friend who, like them, had made a long trip for the occasion.

The trio then split up for the afternoon, planning to meet back for the evening festivities.

As these words are written, the said festivities are about to begin. And they should be quite interesting.

Take care of yourselves good people of the net, and if you're having a drink tonight, have it in the honour of F and E. May their love be everlasting.

Lion taming tip # 8

Do not mention the fact that you're a lion tamer, you wouln't want to divert attention from the wedding to your awesome profession. (If you must talk about your job, just say you work at a bank.)
If you are reading this, and are a bank worker, understand that I mean no disrespect. Yes, your job is an important one and yes, I appreciate that it's because of people like you that I don't have to hide my money under my mattress and my handgun under my pillow. But you do have to admit that no bride ever said "That damn banker, he stole my thunder".

Books

2007-08-16T22:03:00.000-04:00

As I quickly mentionned in my first post, I'd very much like to be a writer/surfer/lion tamer. Some of my friends would tell you that I talk nonsense all the time and that you should really take everything I say with a grain of salt. But the truth is I do dream of one day penning a book. It's not really about making money or being famous, it's about telling a good story, about finding original ways to say things. I might even try to write a French and and English version at the same time, adding different touches to both, making them like semi-identical twins (don't anybody dare steal this idea, I can't afford to take you to court).

Someday, someday people, I might be the Jack Johnson of literature.

To pass time until I publish my work, I suggest you dive into that of Douglas Adams, an author best known for his Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy series. I especially recommend Dirk Gently's holistic detective agency, which sets a different mood than Hitchhiker's but is nonetheless funny as hell and beautifully written.

Lion taming tip # 7

Train your lion to be around lots of people (this might involve getting some very good friends or some very drunk ones). It's hard to put on a show with a shy lion.

Faith

2007-08-15T23:52:00.000-04:00

I'm not a church going man by any means. I just never felt any need for it. So, since I've been about twelve, I only attend mass for funerals, and, every five years or so, for weddings. I must admit though that sometimes the messages posted outside churches are quite inspiring.

The following one has been stuck into my mind lately:

I love the recklessness of faith. First you leap, then you grow wings. (William Sloane Coffin)

Despite the quote's clear reference to angels, I don't apply it to religion at all. Rather, I see it as a reflection on everyday life, and on the feeling you get after taking such a leap.

Leaping, of course, is never easy, no matter how much you believe that things will work out, but once you start to grow feathers, you get this urge to leap even more.

I've been taking my own leaps lately, sometimes throwing myself into the unknown, sometimes catching the ledge at the last minute and feeling sad and grounded for the next few days, hoping for another opportunity. I still can't fly, but I know someday I'll reach the clouds.

Lion taming tip # 6

Get yourself a chair, preferably one that's light and sturdy. Not only will you be able to sit comfortably when you get tired (we're talking lions here, you're gonna work up a sweat), you'll also have something to tease the lion with instead of your arms.

Titles

2007-08-15T10:36:00.000-04:00

I keep forgetting to add titles to my posts. Hopefully, I'll get better at remembering with time.

Lion taming tip # 5

Would you jump through hoops of fire without a little incentive? Buy some treats for your lion.

15 août

2007-08-15T08:28:00.000-04:00

Bonne fête de l'Acadie les amis!

Eh oui, je suis Acadien. Je sais, je sais, vous êtes jaloux. Malheureusement, nous ne pouvons pas tous être nés dans ce merveilleux coin de pays.

Vous voulez vous sentir un peu Acadien en ce 15 août? Allez manger des fruits de mer et boire une Alpine, ou quinze.

Lion taming tip # 4

You must resist the urge to feed your lion seafood and Alpine in hopes of making him more Acadian. Yes, Acadian lions are the coolest, but African ones are pretty good too.

Moving

2007-08-15T00:45:00.000-04:00

I, and hopefully some other people, find moving to be a very unnerving experience. But what makes me the most anxious isn't the actual moving of my belongings or the quest to find the perfect apartment, it's the doubts that creep into my mind after I've chosen my new living quarters.

So while, for the past month or so, mere weeks before the end of my lease, I was stress free, telling people that push comes to shove, I'd crash at an unsuspecting friend's place, the minutes that followed the call to confirm that I will be renting what will soon be my new "chez moi" were very stressful. Thankfully, in those moments, comforting friends are just a phone call away.

Friends are more important than air. Cherish them. Let them cherish you.

Breathing alone is pointless.

Lion taming tip # 3

When moving into a new apartment, don't assume that the "cats are allowed" policy applies to your lion.

Music

2007-08-14T08:38:00.000-04:00

If lions could choose the music they listen to, they would surely put on some Tegan and Sara every now and then. This great canadian band is my favorite at the moment and they could become yours too. Go have a listen at their myspace page. You won't regret it.

Lion taming tip # 2

If your lion looks angry, it probably is. Get your head away from it's mouth.

It begins

2007-08-13T20:51:00.001-04:00

Good evening people of the Web.

I've taken the jump, I'm finally posting stuff online.
For months now people have been hassling me to get on Facebook. "It's awesome" they say. "You can get back in touch with all the people you knew" they say. Well I don't want any of that. I prefer writing for strangers, honing my skills, with the hopes of someday becoming a lion tamer/surfer/writer.

I'll leave it at that for tonight. If you happen to read this, I'll be amazed. Really, honestly, you will have made my day. You've got to feel happy about that.

Lion taming tip # 1

Do not try to teach an old lion new tricks. Get yourself a new lion.

If by any chance you are reading this and are an actual professional lion tamer, please understand that I mean no disrespect to you or your very cool job. I just have a wacky sense of humor.